Hmm....this blog could go a lot of different directions...
It is the absence of things that provide information of the place they hold in our perceptions and realities. It is as simple as missing the warm embrace of a loved one, the consistency of the norm no matter how good or bad or the vital parts each of us play nonchalantly in everyday life; never quite aware of our importance, purpose or comic relief. Send in the clowns!
I never noticed how scarely Bozo looked before or is it the simplicity of my thought that's missing?
Its all such a divine sadistic.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
...all the nerds are still linked to each other and their pasts for all time; our shared pains remain even when we're numb
Its beautiful outside and the inside is not much different. I once wanst so comfortable with being myself. In fact it was a very painful journey internally, emotionally chaotic. I can only imagine how it must be now to grow up in America not a part of the elite. Yet some might argue that nothing has changed. With much whatever, sooner or later you realize you are different or at least just odd. As you evolve, you begin to hunger for the difference that has kept you so issolated, so distant from the rest even in crowds, so uniquely in need to remain that odd or increase the distance between the dots. There is that point that if you cant beat them and you cant join them; you become your own — the self proclaimed crown prince of pop, in a manner of speaking. Someone once said that if you stand still long enuf the whole world will come back around. What dulls the fury that has accumulated by the time it comes back? What can cool the rage of a thousand demons focused on a single anger? Hmmm...eh right? Anyway — for those who really know what I am talking about understand the energy surge from the wreckening...like the Highlander after the fall of the head.
The great fear and great seduction is loving the quickening and wanting it much more than the justice that preceeds it. I just want the energy, the power, the juice of the quickening; do the heads matter or why they were lost? Sooner or later you just want the Quickening flowing through your veins without worrying about the heads. In the end there is always justice; there's just not enuf heads...... So if we bail out all the "Immortal Financial Giants" that lumber across the land and reward the crooks who blame our own greed as their justifications to continue to keep their twisted decaying teflon souls while the country falls to its knees on the way to its stomach; will they live to bypass our knees completely next time...and there is always a "next time"....
Monday, September 22, 2008
It's a day as normal as any. Not sure if I was hungry or not; I headed off to the coffee house I weekly frequent. Upon walking toward the tiny building on the corner as my skin drinks in the warmth of the Nashville day, I notice people sitting and eating outside engrossed in conversation. Crossing the street, I nonchalantly pass a gentleman on his cellphone, burried in a cellphone "power conversation." Minutes later after ordering my drink, he enters. His order had been ready for some time and I had commented to him just so and that he had been deeply involved in a "power conversation." His response is the inspiration for todays "odd normal" blog. His reply came back, "actually I wish it was; instead it was a 'powerless conversation.' That's when the light illuminated the darkness concerning today's blog. I thanked him kindly for the inspiration and just perhaps today's blog will do justice to such a powerful statement....
They say words have power. They say you must be very careful what you say, especially if you are angry or really stressed. They say words shape our entire destinies. I cannot say that any of those statements are more true than others; but I can say that the opposite might equally be true. Conversation may well be "powerless" in America. Not powerless in its ability to mislead or empower or degrade; but powerless in its ability to hold its speaker accountable. It was one of the things I learned very early in life, pounded and drilled into my existence by my father, a man from a small town shaped by the relativity of black and in the south. "A man's word is his bond...without that, not much else matters. Be a man of your word," he would say at least once a week. Sick of hearing it, yes, I was; but indeed he did always do what he said he would even if it was later. As time passed, I grew to admire that about him. Years later I discovered that I had become the same way. I realized that I would rather a person promise me nothing or utter no words instead of saying something they neither remembered or meant. Then neither of us would be upset later.
With that am also reminded of another thing, people who are always shoving their religion and/or opinions down other people's throat. It was just last night that I recall saying to my sister, "people really dont care what you say, they watch what you do..." I suspect my statement was lost but its power isnt. Long after the elections are over, the winner will be judged by what actually happened....but really, what can change in 4 years? at this point, even 8? Ironicly the only thing I have noticed that creates instant change might just be the good news of the gospel we so desperately rush to extinguish from our pledges, money and state buildings....but thats another blog. Arent origin and identity linked regardless of evolution? (that one is free to whomever might feel obliged; just send me a link so I can read it too)
It's become unfortunate and quite "normal" to have no faith in conversation or even whomever is expounding it. While I wish no leader to become entangled in some scandal; reality happens for one simple fact. All conversations are created by humans. Humans fortunately or unfortunately have yet to attain perfection. Perhaps if they did, they might become bored enuf to create something less perfect.....(I'll let that one linger for the marinade to drip through) Dont you hate giving good advice only to see it discarded like some used-to-be's autograph whose fame was as long as the distance to the ground from a footprint; easily discard for the next clean napkin at Waffle House. Humans....
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Its been a strange morning. I awoke and there was an overwhelming feeling of something missing. Its a missing that wasnt missing the day before; like something got trapped between sleep and wake and didnt make it back through the crack of morning. I watched my cuddly wife make her way to the shower, moving between the light and shadows of morning; so that was fine. Most of my friends seem to be normal; so I cannot account for the "absence in the force" but that doesnt change its existence. I hope it is only an omen of good tidings of change; typically it isnt. I can only feel the perimeter of the absence; I cannot identify its indentation. Hopefully it will all just dissolve away; but thats not typical either. Hence; it is definitely an odd normal day! It reminds me of a Bruce Springsteen song...MISSING!
Woke up this morning, was a chill in the air
Went into the kitchen, your
cigarettes were lying there
Your jacket hung on the chair
where you left it last night
Everything was in place, everything seemed all right
But you were missing
Missing... more lyrics
Its a very haunting feeling. Luckily I dont live on feelings but it is certainly an oddness that cannot go without notice. I remember waking but trying to go back to sleep being aware that all of me wasn't there. This should prove to be a very unique day. My iPOD has sealed me off from the rest of the world and its noises echo back and forth between the gulf. Today's soup de jour is a from http://www.binauralbeats.net. It is definitely a day for tunes without words....
If the stars stopped twinkling; would the night sky be as bright as day noon?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
It's odd how the mind finds ways to ask questions. Most people seem to be afraid of questions; but isn't that the power of the mind, the genius of it's creation. But if its creator is so perfect; why do we seem so imperfect, so troubled, so questioning and even powerless? I listen to teens and 20-somethings and they defiantly ask questions. Questions that the old school might only blush at before running away screaming. However; truth be told, they probably ask the same questions when they were 20-something too; they just don't remember. It's all good. Be who you are and love yourself; that's what you were made to do. It's fascinating to watch the "system" try to force people into molds and their nature's into cookie-cutter dies.
There are three of us in the office and somehow suicide came up. Oh yeah, because of the recent Vince Young scare. One asked how I felt about people who did it? Did I have any sympathy for the person or for their family? Oh YES! I have friends who have committed suicide. There would seem to be a range of emotions that flood you in that situation from hurt to rage. You notice the absence and helplessness. You wonder "what" or "if you had just" ...whatever. You wonder what was worth doing this thing; everybody has problems; but they pass.
In the same breath, I think everybody's got a number that comes up and that's the day it happens; not a minute before or after...like being born. So does that mean that that was the way they were destined to check out? I dont know. I know its not "my way" and "I" am the only one I can speak for. Being the oldest of 6 kind of gives you a "god-complex" or "father-plex" and you always want to "fix" everything or "tell" more than "listen." It's only slightly tough to recover from such a bad habit. Who can stop destiny or question someone else's lifepath? I can only try and help anybody that's around me but I cannot make them "me" or change who they are. In the same breath, you can lead the horse to the water; but you cannot make them drink it.
Life is a constant TRANSFORMATION! That's what I love about it. I am not the same as I was yesterday. Nothing can stop me from changing tomorrow and today doesn't have to dictate who I am tomorrow. Everything is possible and the impossible is only limited by my determination. I would even say that death might be saddled by the same statements; don't know, I havent been there yet (at least not to my knowledge)...so I go with what I know. I am not afraid to "believe;" and that doesn't mean I cannot ask questions. We move through live hopefully growing, not remaining the same and unfortunately "good" is a point of reference relative to position. Thats not to say you should disregard everything or everyone else.
There is ALWAYS another way.
I think therefore I am.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
Get the right information from the right people.
Ignorance may be bliss; but consequences arent.