Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Deep Uneasy — Hunting Myself


Come out, come out, where ever you are... I know your in here, myself...





Hmmmm.....what a phrase... the Deep Uneasy....Even the thought of it stills my blood and wretches my stomach. The blood in my brain pauses to mark its location upon uttering such a phrase. How do we decide who we are? What makes us stop to ask, "did I do that?" Something buried down deep inside our darkest, warm parts makes and keeps record of who we are and what we stand for. When something is off radar; that thermostat kicks in to warm things up or cool them off.

I spend time trying to study the mind and how it works, as well as why it works. What a fascinating device. What a phenomenal Creator must have made it. How do we stop ourselves from being ourselves? What makes us do other than what we want or would rather do? Can we reprogram our minds? Paul speaks of "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV). Boy, that seems exhausting. I am certainly no Bible-Thumper or perfect saint; but I have all the respect for someone who is perfect. I do the best I can; really more accurate; we do the best we want to.

What do you do when someone else is so much a part of you that they have all the access codes to everything private about you? How do you kill what's inside without dying yourself? It is certainly true that everything familiar is not necessarily good for you. A soldier trains for combat before he needs to; the same is true for every other walk of life. What do we spend our time training for? It becomes obvious by looking at the battles we lose continuously. The other side of that is being sure we "actually" wanted to win in the first place.

We drive along the highway of life with its potholes, signs, accidents and exits. We know the end; but it is also foreign to us. We know each other; but hide ourselves — thus, we are all strangers.






M

2 comments:

Bendy said...

Wow...you dug deep for that one. Awesome!

Bendy said...
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